5 Steps to Remove TOXIC Family Members
Blood may be thicker than water but, quite frankly, that statement don’t mean SHiiiiiieeeeettt.Negativity from strangers or friends is one thing but negativity from the people who are related to you is a whole different type of ball game. Negativity from your family also hurts you much more. Why? Because they are the ones who are supposed to love you and care for you and giving you the most support.
Unfortunately, not everyone has the luxury of being raised by a loving family. Going to outings, have reunions, all that good stuff. There are people like me who are alone amongst their family and would preferably not even want to be around them.
I am 25 years old and I have no one I can confide in, within my family. Growing up with no support is a toll no one should have to grow up with but life happens I guess. Instead of bringing me up and speaking good stuff into my life, my family has done more than enough damage to my mental health than anyone else has ever had.
One time my mom kept telling me how much of a bad mother I was. Every day she was making that comment to me. Little did she know that her words had such a strong NEGATIVE effect on me. Her words brought me to point where I wanted to kill myself because I was such a failure in her eyes. Yes… I contemplated suicide, planned it out and everything. But I obviously, I ended up not going through with it, and I am HAPPY I didn’t. Since that situation I have been struggling a lot emotionally and mentally but I have been getting so much better. I decided to take charge and take control of my life and that meant protecting my energy! Protecting my space!
“I decided to take charge and take control of my life and that meant protecting my energy! Protecting my space!”
Removing your family from your life is not easy but it may be something that needs to be done. Be selfish with your happiness, your respect and your mental health. Now is the time to stop sacrificing for those who have no good intentions for you. These are the steps I took to separate from all toxicity and this can work for anyone you know is no good for you as well.
1. Limit Communication: I do not speak to anyone unless it is important. For instance, my mom, I only say hi, bye, and only speak to her about my son because she does watch him and everything. When she is going on her rants, I do not answer because that will just add fuel to the fire. So, I just let her say her stuff and I put on my headphones and listen to my music. Depending on your situation you may have to completely cut off communication. I have done that as well with family members, and have no regrets.
2. Remove them all from social media: Toxic family members love to comment their BS on your posts and photos for some reason IDK WHY. But remove them from all your social media platforms. The less they know about your life the better because then they have nothing to talk about.
3. Don’t be fake: You do not need to pretend to like them. Make it clear you no longer want to be around them. Sometimes people won’t learn until you confront them directly. At the end of the day you do not owe them anything but you owe yourself everything.
4. Do not go to their events: If you’re like me, certain crowds may trigger your anxiety and you start to panic. Don’t go to those events anymore. When auntie shay asks why you’re not coming say, “it’s for my own well-being”.
5. Do Not Answer: This is for those who have the annoying people that want to call them every day to remind you ‘how much of a mess you are’ *insert eye roll* Put your phone on ‘do not disturb’ or do not pick up the damn call at all.
“The devil works through people. Those people may be your own family.”
There is no way to sugar coat this shit. Honestly you must do what you must do. Stop breaking your back to try and win their approval. Especially my fellow mothers! The last thing you need is more pressure and stress in your life that starts to prevent you from parenting and taking care of yourself.
I let words bring me so down so much that I was going to make my first & only child, motherless.
Do not be me and reach that dark place. If you are in that dark place now, get TF out now!!
NO MORE TOXIC PEOPLE!
NO MORE MANIPULATIVE PEOPLE!
NO MORE NEGATIVITY ENTERING MY LIFE!
There are people who will love you and will always be there for you. Do not be discouraged. Keep working on yourself, keep loving yourself. I want to end this with quote from a fortune cookie I had yesterday and this is what it said.
“They cannot take away your self-respect if we do not give it to them”
Peace, Love & Melanin
-The Brown Mom