5 Ways to Rid yourself of Toxic Family Members

5 Steps to Remove TOXIC Family Members

Blood may be thicker than water but, quite frankly, that statement don’t mean SHiiiiiieeeeettt.Negativity from strangers or friends is one thing but negativity from the people who are related to you is a whole different type of ball game. Negativity from your family also hurts you much more. Why? Because they are the ones who are supposed to love you and care for you and giving you the most support.

Unfortunately, not everyone has the luxury of being raised by a loving family.  Going to outings, have reunions, all that good stuff. There are people like me who are alone amongst their family and would preferably not even want to be around them.

I am 25 years old and I have no one I can confide in, within my family. Growing up with no support is a toll no one should have to grow up with but life happens I guess.  Instead of bringing me up and speaking good stuff into my life, my family has done more than enough damage to my mental health than anyone else has ever had.

Back Story:

One time my mom kept telling me how much of a bad mother I was. Every day she was making that comment to me. Little did she know that her words had such a strong NEGATIVE effect on me. Her words brought me to point where I wanted to kill myself because I was such a failure in her eyes. Yes… I contemplated suicide, planned it out and everything. But I obviously, I ended up not going through with it, and I am HAPPY I didn’t. Since that situation I have been struggling a lot emotionally and mentally but I have been getting so much better. I decided to take charge and take control of my life and that meant protecting my energy! Protecting my space!

“I decided to take charge and take control of my life and that meant protecting my energy! Protecting my space!”

Removing your family from your life is not easy but it may be something that needs to be done. Be selfish with your happiness, your respect and your mental health. Now is the time to stop sacrificing for those who have no good intentions for you. These are the steps I took to separate from all toxicity and this can work for anyone you know is no good for you as well.

1. Limit Communication: I do not speak to anyone unless it is important. For instance, my mom, I only say hi, bye, and only speak to her about my son because she does watch him and everything. When she is going on her rants, I do not answer because that will just add fuel to the fire. So, I just let her say her stuff and I put on my headphones and listen to my music. Depending on your situation you may have to completely cut off communication. I have done that as well with family members, and have no regrets.

2. Remove them all from social media: Toxic family members love to comment their BS on your posts and photos for some reason IDK WHY. But remove them from all your social media platforms. The less they know about your life the better because then they have nothing to talk about.

3. Don’t be fake: You do not need to pretend to like them. Make it clear you no longer want to be around them. Sometimes people won’t learn until you confront them directly. At the end of the day you do not owe them anything but you owe yourself everything.

4. Do not go to their events: If you’re like me, certain crowds may trigger your anxiety and you start to panic. Don’t go to those events anymore. When auntie shay asks why you’re not coming say, “it’s for my own well-being”.

5. Do Not Answer: This is for those who have the annoying people that want to call them every day to remind you ‘how much of a mess you are’ *insert eye roll* Put your phone on ‘do not disturb’ or do not pick up the damn call at all.

“The devil works through people. Those people may be your own family.”

There is no way to sugar coat this shit. Honestly you must do what you must do. Stop breaking your back to try and win their approval. Especially my fellow mothers! The last thing you need is more pressure and stress in your life that starts to prevent you from parenting and taking care of yourself.

I let words bring me so down so much that I was going to make my first & only child, motherless.

Do not be me and reach that dark place. If you are in that dark place now, get TF out now!!

NO MORE TOXIC PEOPLE!

NO MORE MANIPULATIVE PEOPLE!

NO MORE NEGATIVITY ENTERING MY LIFE!

There are people who will love you and will always be there for you. Do not be discouraged. Keep working on yourself, keep loving yourself. I want to end this with quote from a fortune cookie I had yesterday and this is what it said.

“They cannot take away your self-respect if we do not give it to them”

Peace, Love & Melanin

-The Brown Mom

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55 Comments

  1. May 15, 2018 / 12:20 pm

    Yas! To the whole post. Just bc they’re ade family doesn’t mean they are there for you

    • Hadassah
      Author
      May 16, 2018 / 10:19 am

      Exactly!

  2. May 15, 2018 / 1:04 pm

    That’s completely understandable and people don’t get it. They think that you have to entertain their foolishness and you don’t. Sometimes that means Mama and Daddy got to go. My dad and I don’t have a great relationship either so I can totally relate.

    • Hadassah
      Author
      May 16, 2018 / 10:19 am

      You’re putting yourself at risk doing that! Glad you can relate to me

  3. Leslie
    May 15, 2018 / 1:26 pm

    Excellent advice for a challenging goal.

  4. May 15, 2018 / 2:46 pm

    I enjoyed reading this post, I to once went through the same thing and I had to separate myself from them. It was the best thing I could have done for me and my family. Now I feel like me and my mother are closer since we finally sat down and talked and she actually listened to what I was saying. Other relatives, I am still not there with, and probably wont be. Glad you took a different route, negativity brings you down and makes you lose your mind.

    • Hadassah
      Author
      May 16, 2018 / 10:22 am

      Some people you have to love from afar! I’m working on moving out just for that reason

  5. May 15, 2018 / 6:43 pm

    Great advice and you are not alone! I have had to cut out most of my family as well, since they are toxic. My goal is to live well and create the best life possible for myself and my little family. Someone has to break the chain, and it might as well be me! or you lol.

    • Hadassah
      Author
      May 16, 2018 / 10:22 am

      Bravo for taking that step!! You and your family come first

  6. Jessica
    May 16, 2018 / 1:43 am

    Hey fellow blogger, I completely agree with you. I have had to cut family members out of my life as well in order to build myself up. It is shocking how much your own family can have such a negative impact on your mental health, even years after leaving home. They can pretty much keep you in a state of stunted creative growth where you can’t even think for yourself. It’sad. They really should be the ones there for you the most and when they haven’t been then you don’t really learn how to create healthy relationships either because you don’t know who you can trust. Thank you for validating how I feel- that it is ok to cut toxic family members from your life.

  7. May 16, 2018 / 7:14 am

    Ha! Excellent read and while I do have great supportive family members, it is also true that blood is not always thicker than water. Loved the read.

    • Hadassah
      Author
      May 16, 2018 / 10:23 am

      Glad you enjoyed it!

  8. May 16, 2018 / 7:17 am

    I have a few of this people as well. Some very good reminders. I don’t wish anything bad fall upon them but distancing has been a very wise choice. All the best to you. Friends can be a great support system.

    • Hadassah
      Author
      May 16, 2018 / 10:24 am

      Friends can be so much more supportive! Thank you

  9. Imani
    May 16, 2018 / 8:39 am

    I felt this blog post on a spiritual level. I can relate to you especially being that I am also 25 and I’ve come to the realization that a lot of older family members don’t consider the disrespectful/hurtful comments that they make to us because they still view us as “young”. Continue to keep loving your self & thanks for sharing!

    • Hadassah
      Author
      May 16, 2018 / 10:26 am

      Thank you and you too!

  10. May 16, 2018 / 10:16 am

    I have been dealing with a family member like this and although it’s hard I had to take a step back from them and I feel so much better. Great tips and advice.

  11. Jiselle
    May 16, 2018 / 11:35 am

    Sending you positive energy! I have used this technique many of times! However, I was still really angry, emotional, and depressed majority of the time. It was not until I started gong to therapy, I found the root of my experiences and emotions. For my sanity I have to meditate to release my anger and frustrations.

  12. Michelle
    May 16, 2018 / 1:52 pm

    I remember when I first started my makeup blog, my cousin asked me why I’m so into makeup because none of our cousins where? It actually really hurt my feelings and I almost dropped my dream. But hunni…..just for a second tho’. Family can be the absolute worst and these tips are really helpful!!

  13. May 17, 2018 / 6:16 am

    This is something I have had to deal with in the past. It isn’t always easy. I tried to have a relationship with my mother, for my children’s sake. However the relationship was toxic. She was toxic. I had to cut all forms of contact and communication, including with my children. Not as punishment, but because they don’t deserve to be in that atmosphere.

    • Hadassah
      Author
      May 17, 2018 / 8:47 am

      Yes! You have to give better to your children and they don’t need that!

  14. May 17, 2018 / 8:46 am

    I don’t speak to half of my family and had to block them on social media too. It’s hard but it’s easier In the long run to just ignore!

    • Hadassah
      Author
      May 17, 2018 / 8:48 am

      Ignore and move on! A must

  15. Frances
    May 17, 2018 / 10:17 am

    Excellent read but #1 is conflicting if your mom is so toxic why are you Letter “watch your “ son sometimes? I am sure her behavior does not stop with you? Protect your son! Find money to have someone else “watch him.”
    Find a reliable babysitter!

    • Hadassah
      Author
      May 17, 2018 / 12:39 pm

      Unfortunately I’m in a situation where she’s the only available person to watch. (I’m a single mom) she’s nice to him but an asshole to me

  16. May 17, 2018 / 10:45 am

    These are some very good suggestions for leaving negative people behind (even if they are family members). Thanks for sharing.

  17. May 17, 2018 / 10:47 am

    When I was younger I could never understand why I saw other people that weren’t close to their moms or other family members. Then I realized that family members can be just as toxic as everyone else and it’s even worse when people judge you for not wanting to be around it! I’m glad that you’ve found ways to help you protect your energy and your space

    • Hadassah
      Author
      May 17, 2018 / 12:39 pm

      Always wanted that mom-daughter relationship but that wasn’t in my cards and that’s okay! Just keep on pushing. Thanks for reading!

  18. Marquita
    May 17, 2018 / 9:31 pm

    You just have to get rid of toxic people period! I have been doing this regardless of it they are a friend or family member and it feels great! Thank you for this post!

  19. May 17, 2018 / 9:34 pm

    This is the whole life truth! You are one resilient sister!! Kudos to you!!

    • Hadassah
      Author
      May 23, 2018 / 8:43 am

      Thank you!

  20. May 18, 2018 / 7:27 am

    Removing any toxic people from your life is just so necessary!

    • Hadassah
      Author
      May 23, 2018 / 8:43 am

      It really is and that’s okay!

  21. May 18, 2018 / 8:59 am

    I’m sorry to hear you had to go through that! But I totally agree…. I see it as, you don’t get to choose who your family is, but you CAN choose who you keep in your life.

  22. May 18, 2018 / 10:19 am

    this is so true, need to do this. great post!

  23. May 22, 2018 / 10:37 am

    Great advice! I have a few toxic family members, luckily they live in another state.

  24. Kaitlyn
    May 22, 2018 / 11:41 am

    Thank you for this! I can unfortunately relate.

  25. May 22, 2018 / 12:54 pm

    This is on point! You don’t have to deal with people just because they are family!

  26. May 22, 2018 / 6:40 pm

    I think your advice is spot-on for anyone who has decided to cut out a toxic family member. It takes a lot of strength and courage to go forward with that plan, so kudos to you for standing up for yourself.

    • Hadassah
      Author
      May 23, 2018 / 8:42 am

      Thank you so much!

  27. May 23, 2018 / 5:42 am

    OMG! I needed this. I thought i was the only one going thru things of trying to get rid of toxic family members. I think the “not answering” is the hardest part for me because i feel guilty some times.

    • Hadassah
      Author
      May 23, 2018 / 8:41 am

      No need to feel guilty! You come first

  28. May 23, 2018 / 8:40 am

    It’s too bad my toxic family member is my mom and there is just no way I can cut her out at this time. I do my best to ignore her and delete any of her comments I think are unnecessary. But I agree if you can, remove those people from your life!

  29. May 23, 2018 / 11:07 am

    This was an amazing read, more people need to see this post. You hit the nail on the head girl!!! Keep pushing and doing you and do the best you can

  30. May 23, 2018 / 8:25 pm

    TBH i feel like god sent me to your page for a purpose. I’ve been dealing with a few toxic family members as well as a person i considered my best friend. reading your post gave me hope to living a more positive life and encourage me to just let go and let god! thank you!

  31. May 24, 2018 / 12:09 am

    I’ve never had to do this with family, but definitely friends.

  32. Tiffany
    May 24, 2018 / 5:23 pm

    This is an experience that many go through but don’t express. There is this belief that loyalty automatically comes with relation which is not the case. This was a really good read, great tips for putting those much needed boundaries in place!

  33. May 25, 2018 / 2:43 pm

    It’s so hard to do this but sometimes so important. Love this post!

  34. May 29, 2018 / 8:23 am

    So happy you were able to overcome this! It’s so sad that family can be some of the most negative people in our life but this will only make you stronger. Continue to protect your energy

  35. Rayven
    May 29, 2018 / 8:28 am

    This is challenging for me because as much I distance myself I end up feeling guilty for doing so sometimes but this was a great read ❤️

  36. May 29, 2018 / 8:59 am

    oh my goodness! I needed this post
    I talk about this all the time with my boyfriend.
    It is so hard sometimes. but these 5 steps are really useful

  37. May 29, 2018 / 3:16 pm

    I enjoyed this post! Toxic family members can be an extreme burden on us, and letting them go is hard but necessary.

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