6 Effective Tips To Date Someone with Depression

Dating is difficult ASF. Like, am I the only one who thinks dating is a full-time job? Especially if there is more than one person in the picture. You have to get to know all those people and go through the process of elimination. Now add being a single-mother on top of that *insert dramatic eye roll and deep sigh* that ish ain’t f**king easy. But that is not what we’re here to talk about today. The topic for the week is “What To expect when dating someone suffering from depression”. As much as we (people who have depression) try to be “normal”, our Depression is something that cannot be hidden from others forever.

 

I have personally tried to hide my symptoms from previous partners and when my depression was really hitting. My partner did not understand because they did not know what was going on and I did not know how to explain to them what was going on. So there you have it, two people confused and frustrated and ultimately, you can imagine, the relationship ended. I am not at all no type of expert but I am sharing my tactics, tips I have learned from my failures so you all don’t make those mistakes as well and save yourself from problems.

 

I think one of the biggest questions we ask ourselves when we are dating someone is “Should I tell this person about my depression”? For me, the answer is based on how you feel about the person. If it is just a fling and yall just having fun, no strings attached, I would say the person does not need to know. Why? Well because that person is someone you are not going to keep in your life so it unnecessary, ya feel me? I mean if you guys are having a deep conversation and the topic pops up go ahead. But I feel opening up about something personal like that should be shared with a partner you plan on getting very serious with. Those are the people who are less likely to spread your business and are genuinely interested in what is going on with you. 

So Boom. You are feeling this person and you guys have the “talk”. After you tell your partner about your depression. READ THEIR BODY LANGUAGE. Speaking about Depression makes a lot of people uncomfortable,  believe it or not. Is he asking you more questions about how you became diagnosed with it? Is he acting weird after you told him that? All those things you need to keep an eye out for because they will determine a lot about where things are going to go from there. Why would you want to spend your life with someone who does not want to understand your illness? It is not healthy being with someone who does not support you.

There are those days when you are going to feel very low and emotional. Is that person going to just ignore it and say “its all in your head”, you’re doing too much, just get over it”? This is the time to asses that. I have been in relationships where I was with someone but felt alone. They did not care or take time to understand where I was coming from so to them I was just acting out and acting crazy. I have been told, “stop blaming everything on depression”. Those words hurt a lot from someone who is suppose to love you and be your backbone. Heed My Warning Ladies, save yourself from heartache. The person is either going to add to your problems or help relieve them. The dating phase is when you find any red flags and those are just a couple. So abandon ship while you can before you invest your time and feelings.

*For those dating someone with Depression*

Depression: A mental health disorder characterized by persistently depressed mood or loss of interest in activities, causing significant impairment in daily life.

Please note that not everyone handles depression the same way. It really is something that you have to take, case by case. Depression is a real thing and it is not a phase that someone can easily just get over. If the person you are dating has decided to open up to you about something so personal, then you are someone they trust. Do not take advantage of that trust. If you are unsure about where to go from here, I have included some things to keep in mind that will make this experience easier for you. I hope that these tips help you to become a better partner for that special someone. And if you are reading down this far, clearly you already are and want to make sure you can help in the best way possible.

  1. Ask Questions: It is always good to ask questions because it shows that you are interested, just like you would do at an interview. You want to make sure you get the whole picture not just part of it. A few things you could ask is
  • At what age were you diagnosed?
  • Do you have any triggers, if so what are they?
  • Do you have any family support?
  • What are things I can do to help you go through this?
  1. Be Patient: Patience is definitely a virtue. Don’t go forcing the person to tell you everything at once. When the person is comfortable enough, you will get to know everything you need. People handle their “off days” differently. In my case, I tend to just want to be alone and not be bothered. If I had a partner I would explain that to them, so that they do not take offense. That is why the asking questions are very important. Over time you learn someone’s habits and how they cope with different situations. It will not be an overnight thing. It takes time and you truly love that person, it won’t be too much to do.
  2. Remind them: Remind that person you will be there for them when they need someone to talk to or to cry on. Remind them that you love them. Trust me when I say that goes a long way!! 
  3. Be Honest with yourself: Dating someone who has depression can be difficult for some which are understandable. If it is too much for you to handle, talk to the person about your concerns and feelings. It takes TWO. If this is not for you have to be honest and not drag the person along because that only causes more damage.
  4. IT IS NOT A GAME: Please don’t be the a**hole to make rude remarks about someone going through depression. People take this too lightly when it should be the opposite. Words hold a lot of power and don’t let your words be the one that pushes someone over the edge. FR FR. I cannot express this enough. It is never funny to joke about someone’s problems, let alone an illness.
  5. Do your research: Take some time to look into what depression really is. You will definitely find useful information that will make you more knowledgeable on the topic and in turn make you a better person for your partner. That shows you want to know more, and you are ready to get on this journey with them. It really doesn’t take a lot to show someone you’re there for them and support them.

Just because someone is going through depression, that doesn’t mean you need to be all awkward around them. We are normal people and some type of infectious disease. Let’s start the conversation.

Do you have any tips you would like to add? Comment and share Below!

 

Peace, Love & Melanin

-The Brown Mom

 

 

Share:

54 Comments

  1. June 5, 2018 / 9:34 am

    Great advice. As someone who also suffers from depression, it sucks having the talk. I remember dating someone a few years ago and I told them about it and they were like you can “choose” to be happy. You just don’t want to. No one wants to feel like crap. No one wants to go through those highs and lows. Luckily, I’ve met someone who is understanding now.

    • Hadassah
      Author
      June 5, 2018 / 10:28 am

      I’m glad you found someone worth your time! People can be assholes. Stay blessed Queen

      • June 5, 2018 / 1:41 pm

        I love the way you out things, very simple and easy to understand, Keep up the great work

  2. rachel
    June 5, 2018 / 10:17 am

    Wow! Just wow, this is such a moving post! Your writing is so real and touching. I cant wait to read more of your content 💖💖

    • Hadassah
      Author
      June 5, 2018 / 10:29 am

      I’m glad you enjoyed the read Rachel 🙏🏾 thank you so much

  3. June 5, 2018 / 10:25 am

    Thank you for your words of honesty! I am married to someone who suffers from anxiety and depression, and honestly I forget sometimes and easily get mad at him for acting out of sorts for apparently no reason. Then I remember why he’s acting however he is and feel terrible for responding negatively. Thank you for this reminder. It’s hard!

    • Hadassah
      Author
      June 5, 2018 / 10:30 am

      Glad i could do that for you! He needs you!

  4. June 5, 2018 / 10:55 am

    This is awesome detailed advice. It helps many people out there. Thanks so much for sharing.

  5. June 5, 2018 / 11:15 am

    A very informative read. I am sure someone who is in this predicament will surely benefit from this exceptional insight.

  6. June 5, 2018 / 1:37 pm

    I really enjoy your writing style and the tips you gave at the end about dating someone with depression. It’s not anything I have ever dealt with before but I know it is a sensitive issue that needs to be “dealt” with accordingly. Thank you for addressing this because I can imagine that it’s not anything that is being widely spread out there. xx

  7. June 5, 2018 / 2:24 pm

    This is so helpful! Even if it just have a new friend dealing with this as well!! Thank you for sharing.

  8. June 5, 2018 / 3:48 pm

    Great insight in encouraging others that are dealing with or caring for those with depression. There can be many challenges, yet there is always hope.

  9. June 5, 2018 / 4:18 pm

    This is such a great post. .I have several friends who suffer from depression and it’s a hard thing to manager both on their side and for those around them. I find that the patience part is definitely important and not always easy.

  10. June 5, 2018 / 4:32 pm

    This is so insightful! I agree that taking the time to research and support your partner is key. Kindness, patience, and love go a long way.

    Shirin | http://www.queenshirin.com

  11. June 5, 2018 / 9:28 pm

    Great advice! I really agree with being patient. I tend to bring things up in pieces at different times. Some of the stuff I’ve been through with depression is really hard for me to open up about, especially all at once.

  12. June 5, 2018 / 11:36 pm

    This is such a great post. Thank you for your honesty and for sharing such sound advice! I’ve dated people with depression before so it’s really eye-opening to see the other side of it.

  13. June 6, 2018 / 9:03 am

    Patience is KEY. Often it’s easy to get frustrated but patience and communication is the key to any relationship but especially one where mental health is a major concern.

  14. June 6, 2018 / 9:05 am

    Patience is KEY. Often it’s easy to get frustrated but patience and communication is the key to any relationship but especially one where mental health is a major concern. Thanks for sharing

  15. June 6, 2018 / 9:32 am

    This is a great post! I think a lot of ppl don’t know how to be there for someone with depression, but all it takes is asking what they need like you said in your first tip. I shared this on twitter.

  16. June 6, 2018 / 10:03 am

    I think patience is one of the most important parts of it all because when someone with depression is going through a down day/week/month or however long their blue period is you have to understand that it will pass with time. Also when it happens again it might feel repetitive to the person who doesn’t have depression but even so they still need to be patient. Another thing is don’t be with someone who uses your mental illness against you! My child’s father is like that and he would tell me I won’t ever be a good mom because of my mental illnesses but I have proven that to be false!

  17. June 6, 2018 / 7:47 pm

    This is a great post. Depression is very real and very painful, no matter which side you are on – if you suffer from it or if someone you love suffers from it. The simplest things can make a difference.

  18. June 6, 2018 / 10:56 pm

    Great advice. I have been on both sides. Dated someone who was depressed situationally, and I have dealt with anxiety and depression since childhood. Empathy is so important. I think most people just don’t know how to act or help, and they just say whatever comes to mind. Or they get scared. Or they are just clueless. My husband didn’t always know what to do, but I had to tell him what I needed and now he is able to be supportive in his own way. Self care is so key, and I have to let him know when I need extra space, or just a hug or something.

    • Hadassah
      Author
      June 18, 2018 / 8:01 am

      Yes communication is key! Glad it worked well for you

  19. June 7, 2018 / 2:57 am

    Depression is real, unlike other illnesses though because one is not running a temperature. They tell you to get over it.But I believe that in every relationship you should be with someone who understands you and supports you. Having a relationship with Jesus had helped me overcome the times that I have been depressed. I may not have the illness but I know what it can feel like when you feel like the world is caving in on you. Thanks for sharing.

  20. June 7, 2018 / 7:57 am

    Firstly I LOVE all of the cute emoji pictures! Secondly: this hits very close to home! This is such a great piece of writing full of wonderful tips! Dating with depression or someone with depression takes AWARENESS! This post really opened up my eyes as well! AMAZING tips girl! Keep writing!

    • Hadassah
      Author
      June 18, 2018 / 8:00 am

      Thank you so much for taking the time !

  21. Autum Love
    June 7, 2018 / 9:42 am

    This is informative, as someone who struggles with anxiety I often find it difficult talking to others about it. Because this is something that isn’t taught. And it’s a lot of ignorance when it comes to helping or being in a relationship with someone who suffers anxiety and depression.

    I always here you can control it, but sometimes it just comes out of nowhere!

    Sharing this post 🙂

    https://www.autumlove.com/

  22. June 7, 2018 / 9:56 am

    Great post! I’d also say that you shouldn’t assume anything about someone who had depression. It can affect people differently and they don’t always have the same triggers or needs, etc. So even if you think you know a lot about depression, you don’t know THAT person with depression. All these other tips are awesome though! Thanks for sharing.

    -Lauren

  23. June 7, 2018 / 9:58 am

    Personally I’ve never been in this situation but I have a friend who dated someone with seasonal depression and it really took a toll on her. She tried to offer help (like getting a sun lamp), but it was too much for her. You gotta know your limits.

  24. June 7, 2018 / 2:41 pm

    I absolutely love this post! I am sharing this with every man I date because I battle with depression and I want them to know that I still care

  25. June 7, 2018 / 4:11 pm

    Very insightful. Thank you!! I am sharing this on twitter as well!

  26. June 7, 2018 / 5:21 pm

    Great post! This would have come in really handy years ago, as I dated a guy who had depression for 4 years. It was very challenging and I could have used these tips!

  27. June 8, 2018 / 8:07 am

    These are very real and effective tips. I thank you for taking the time to write about it. Loving someone through depression is a difficult but rewarding road. Thanks for sharing and happy blogging to you.

  28. Elizabeth O
    June 8, 2018 / 9:32 am

    What a really great post. It is really brave to tackle such a hard hitting topic like this. Being the spouse of someone with depression can be so hard so it is handy to have a guide like this to refer to.

  29. June 9, 2018 / 12:31 am

    I like that you give sample questions to ask. Thanks for a thought provoking post.

  30. June 10, 2018 / 5:13 am

    This is super helpful! So many suffer from this condition and it’s great be able to talk about it openly. Thanks for the questions – it’s a great beginning to having a heart to heart conversation about this issue.

  31. June 11, 2018 / 10:17 am

    You raise some great points and the article will encourage people to think about how they want to deal depression when they are dating., but also within relationships in general. Thanks for sharing.

  32. June 12, 2018 / 10:08 am

    Great tips! Point 4 stands out the most to me because seem to be in denial about whether or not dating someone with depression is something they can handle and it ends up doing more bad for both parties than it does good! Thank you for being honest!

  33. June 12, 2018 / 12:00 pm

    This is great advice that so many people out there need. I’m going to send it to my partner 🙂

  34. June 12, 2018 / 12:53 pm

    I so needed to read this because I have reconnected with an old high school friend who has depression. I just haven’t been sure what to expect or look out for because I do like him but I need to know if I need extra patience and stuff with dealing with him on that romantic level.

    • Hadassah
      Author
      June 18, 2018 / 7:59 am

      Yes extra patience! And don’t be afraid to start the conversation

  35. June 12, 2018 / 11:40 pm

    It is extremely difficult to watch one of your loved ones struggle with depression. This was a great article and sparked great conversation on how to cope and deal with your loved one who is depressed.

  36. June 13, 2018 / 8:24 am

    Wow! Great post. Thank you for this because it is definitely a topic that is not talked about often enough.

  37. July 3, 2018 / 7:43 am

    These are great tips whether you are dating someone or whether you are dealing with a friend with depression!

  38. July 12, 2018 / 4:06 pm

    Girl you better preach this is a very touching topic for me

  39. July 12, 2018 / 10:15 pm

    This is amazing. I get it! I relate to so much of your content and your story is inspiring. I def need to utilize these tips. As a single mom, when I tried going on a date I just blatantly said I’m in therapy and he didn’t get it all. FAIL. Thank you for providing some perspective.

    You’re amazing!

    Keep it up!

  40. August 7, 2018 / 11:25 am

    Thanks for the insight on depression. I had no idea the pain of depression until my divorce. Great article!

    • Hadassah
      Author
      August 8, 2018 / 8:14 am

      Thank you Kathy !

  41. Lakesha
    August 7, 2018 / 11:38 am

    I swear I feel like you just told the story of my life! I’m printing this off so I can have it handy! Thanks for sharing!

    • Hadassah
      Author
      August 8, 2018 / 8:14 am

      I’m glad you can relate to me Lakesha! You’re not alone for sure

  42. August 7, 2018 / 12:29 pm

    I love this post. Thank you for sharing these because I think that a lot of people find it difficult or don’t know what to know when dating someone with depression but this really lays everything out and makes it so much easier to understand x

    • Hadassah
      Author
      August 8, 2018 / 8:14 am

      Thank you for taking the time to read!

  43. Julissa
    August 8, 2018 / 9:46 am

    I hope my relationship doesn’t go that way ; ( well thank you for the tips just in case my relationship does happen to go that way, I’ll know what to do : )

  44. August 8, 2018 / 10:02 am

    These are great tips! This would be helpful in all relationships. I don’t have depression but I do have anxiety and many of the same things apply!!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *