Helpful advice for the New single mother
You are now a single mother. What next? This can be a really touchy topic for many… but it’s a topic that we should not hide, but discuss.
I have recently become a single mother and this trip I’ve been going through has not been an easy one. No mother wants to become a single mother, I truly believe that. But life sucks sometimes and shit hits the fan. No matter the circumstances of you becoming a single mother, you will need time to adjust because it is like taking on a completely different life. I am still struggling to get through this myself but over the months is has been somewhat easier. Being a single mom is not easy; your strength will be tested as with your will and faith. You’ll doubt everything within you. This task may not have been what you asked for but it landed on your lap and you have no choice but to do it. So what you gon’ do?
#1: Don’t guilt trip yourself, don’t shame yourself.
I went weeks feeling bad about my situation and was too embarrassed to even speak to people about it. I kept thinking to myself “wow, I’m just another baby mama, how did I get myself into this, I should’ve waited” and a whole bunch of negative thoughts that I should not have let in my head.
This may have been the best option for you and your child(ren), and the fact you took that step shows you were doing it out of the goodness of your heart and for the wellbeing of your family. Do not feel bad because you’re a single mother! You can do this. Will it be easy? No. But it is possible to overcome the hardships.
#2: Apply for jobs
Your family is now dependent on your sole income.
You have to be the breadwinner, so start applying for jobs ASAP!
Temp agencies are your friend! Google search “temp agencies near me”. These agencies basically do the job search for you. Just give in your resume (they can help you create one also) and tell them what type of jobs you’re looking for and times you are available to work.
-Craigslist is a good option for looking for little part-time gigs or even full time.
-Indeed.com is a great site to look for jobs! You can put how far you’re willing to travel, how much you want to make and filter it out much more to find jobs that meet your needs.
-upwork.com is a good site if you’re looking for some stay-at-home jobs such as being a customer service call agent or a virtual assistant for a company.
#3: Save money and Budget
As much as I want to go on a shopping spree and splurge on makeup, I can no longer do that.
I need to save every dime and you do as well! Baby needs a college fund, is there an emergency fund set up? Are all the bills paid? Is there food in the fridge? You have to make sure your priorities are straight!
Any little thing put away to a savings account, matters. Don’t think you have too little. Got to start somewhere, correct?
Now, I’m not the queen of budgeting but I am still learning about the process but I have learned to set a certain amount of money for all your expenses.
For example $250 for bills, $50 for groceries, $50 for clothes and so forth. Set a max amount of what you can spend a week.
#4: Apply For Government Assistance.
No shame! Get the extra help you need to take care of your family. If you’re currently job searching it may take a little while to start a new job so in the meanwhile make sure you have resources to help provide for your family needs.
Government assistance includes food stamps aka SNAP, cash assistance aka welfare, Wic, and they even help find shelter if you need it or find you housing for low-income families.
#5: Get a tribe.
Make some good mom friends to help you along the way. To talk to and ask for advice or when you need to be comforted. It really does take a village. If it was not for my mom tribe God knows, where I would have been. There are so many mom groups on Facebook you can join and make new friends. (It can get hectic in those some of those groups, tread lightly) Maybe you will meet someone who is going through the same thing and she can give you some pointers. Don’t be shy, go ahead and socialize.
#6: Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
Do not let pride get to you. Ask for help when you need it! Nothing nothing nothing wrong with asking. Closed mouths don’t get fed! Family, friends even if it’s the trifling baby father, ask for help.
#7: this meshes with step #6 but apply for child support if the dad refuses to help you out.
It’s not petty or ghetto. It took 2 people to have the baby and both should be helping care for the child. If the other parent does not want to be present in the child’s life at least send something to help out. I am 100% for child support when it’s used correctly.
#8: f@#K what people think about you. Don’t let that negativity in.
Yes, people are going to judge you and talk shit.
Don’t let them get to you baby mama. They do not know how you became a single mother and quite frankly it is not of their damn business! Screw them and focus on you and your child(ren) and the good people in your life.
You got no time to be listening to that noise. Positive vibes all day and every day.
Please remove and toxic people in your life, putting you down, giving unwarranted advice and stating their stupid opinions.
#9: Take it a day at a time.
Everything will come together in time. I was stressing myself and panicking over little things and trying to rush life.
Everything won’t go as planned or as fast as you would like it to go and that is completely OKAY.
Breathe. There are things in life you have no control over and you have to accept that. Better is coming. Just grind and work hard and you’re goals will become reality.
(For some ways to make extra cash, check out my blog post on how to make some extra mula! )
(for dating tips, read this post! )
You Got this mama.
Peace, Love & Melanin