9 Tips on how to adjust to becoming a single mother

Helpful advice for the New single mother


You are now a single mother. What next? This can be a really touchy topic for many… but it’s a topic that we should not hide, but discuss.

I have recently become a single mother and this trip I’ve been going through has not been an easy one. No mother wants to become a single mother, I truly believe that. But life sucks sometimes and shit hits the fan. No matter the circumstances of you becoming a single mother, you will need time to adjust because it is like taking on a completely different life. I am still struggling to get through this myself but over the months is has been somewhat easier. Being a single mom is not easy; your strength will be tested as with your will and faith. You’ll doubt everything within you. This task may not have been what you asked for but it landed on your lap and you have no choice but to do it. So what you gon’ do?

#1: Don’t guilt trip yourself, don’t shame yourself.

I went weeks feeling bad about my situation and was too embarrassed to even speak to people about it. I kept thinking to myself “wow, I’m just another baby mama, how did  I get myself into this, I should’ve waited” and a whole bunch of negative thoughts that I should not have let in my head.

This may have been the best option for you and your child(ren), and the fact you took that step shows you were doing it out of the goodness of your heart and for the wellbeing of your family. Do not feel bad because you’re a single mother! You can do this. Will it be easy? No. But it is possible to overcome the hardships.

#2: Apply for jobs

Your family is now dependent on your sole income.

You have to be the breadwinner, so start applying for jobs ASAP!

Temp agencies are your friend! Google search “temp agencies near me”. These agencies basically do the job search for you. Just give in your resume (they can help you create one also) and tell them what type of jobs you’re looking for and times you are available to work.

-Craigslist is a good option for looking for little part-time gigs or even full time.

-Indeed.com is a great site to look for jobs! You can put how far you’re willing to travel, how much you want to make and filter it out much more to find jobs that meet your needs.

-upwork.com is a good site if you’re looking for some stay-at-home jobs such as being a customer service call agent or a virtual assistant for a company.

#3: Save money and Budget

As much as I want to go on a shopping spree and splurge on makeup, I can no longer do that.

I need to save every dime and you do as well! Baby needs a college fund, is there an emergency fund set up? Are all the bills paid? Is there food in the fridge? You have to make sure your priorities are straight!

Any little thing put away to a savings account, matters. Don’t think you have too little. Got to start somewhere, correct?

Now, I’m not the queen of budgeting but I am still learning about the process but I have learned to set a certain amount of money for all your expenses.

For example $250 for bills, $50 for groceries, $50 for clothes and so forth. Set a max amount of what you can spend a week.

#4: Apply For Government Assistance.

No shame! Get the extra help you need to take care of your family. If you’re currently job searching it may take a little while to start a new job so in the meanwhile make sure you have resources to help provide for your family needs.

Government assistance includes food stamps aka SNAP, cash assistance aka welfare, Wic, and they even help find shelter if you need it or find you housing for low-income families.

#5: Get a tribe.

Make some good mom friends to help you along the way. To talk to and ask for advice or when you need to be comforted. It really does take a village. If it was not for my mom tribe God knows, where I would have been. There are so many mom groups on Facebook you can join and make new friends. (It can get hectic in those some of those groups, tread lightly) Maybe you will meet someone who is going through the same thing and she can give you some pointers. Don’t be shy, go ahead and socialize.

#6: Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

Do not let pride get to you. Ask for help when you need it! Nothing nothing nothing wrong with asking. Closed mouths don’t get fed! Family, friends even if it’s the trifling baby father, ask for help.

#7: this meshes with step #6 but apply for child support if the dad refuses to help you out.

It’s not petty or ghetto. It took 2 people to have the baby and both should be helping care for the child. If the other parent does not want to be present in the child’s life at least send something to help out. I am 100% for child support when it’s used correctly.

#8: f@#K what people think about you. Don’t let that negativity in.

Yes, people are going to judge you and talk shit.

Don’t let them get to you baby mama. They do not know how you became a single mother and quite frankly it is not of their damn business! Screw them and focus on you and your child(ren) and the good people in your life.

You got no time to be listening to that noise. Positive vibes all day and every day.

Please remove and toxic people in your life, putting you down, giving unwarranted advice and stating their stupid opinions.

#9: Take it a day at a time.

Everything will come together in time. I was stressing myself and panicking over little things and trying to rush life.

Everything won’t go as planned or as fast as you would like it to go and that is completely OKAY.

Breathe. There are things in life you have no control over and you have to accept that. Better is coming. Just grind and work hard and you’re goals will become reality.

(For some ways to make extra cash, check out my blog post on how to make some extra mula! )

(for dating tips, read this post! )

 

 

You Got this mama.

Peace, Love & Melanin

-TheBrownMom

Share:

49 Comments

  1. Latisha
    October 10, 2017 / 5:51 pm

    Let me tell it’s not easy being a single mom, but you will get through it. I did it and so can you. My daughter is now 19, in her second year of college. All that was done without the help of the father. He made his choice and so did I. I chose to keep it moving and take care of my child. It takes a village and with the help of all my family and some of his family I got it done. Yes you heard me correctly his family, not him. They helped because they love my daughter just as much as I do. Keep pushing forward!! Much ❤️

    • Hadassah
      October 13, 2017 / 8:59 am

      Thank you for sharing your story sis! It can work!

  2. October 12, 2017 / 8:17 pm

    Single moms are amazing as they have to do it all without any help. There is no shame in being a single mom. You have to do what is best for your baby and if you and your partner aren’t in a good place, then that can affect your child negatively, so sometimes it is actually better for the child when the parents are not together.

    • Hadassah
      October 13, 2017 / 8:58 am

      Exactly! Sometimes it’s better to be apart for the sake of the children

  3. October 14, 2017 / 3:45 am

    Single moms are really amazing and I respect them from the core of my heart. It is really important to work and yet get that precious time for your baby. Your tips are just perfect!

  4. October 14, 2017 / 7:42 am

    Being a single mom is not easy at all! I have help from my family but that’s it. I’ve been working , working out and have made Mom friends too.

  5. October 14, 2017 / 1:42 pm

    Single moms have their work cut out for them! This seems like a great list to steer anybody in the right direction.

  6. October 14, 2017 / 11:12 pm

    I can’t even imagine embarking on this journey. Thank you for sharing your experiences and tips for those that need it.

  7. October 20, 2017 / 9:15 am

    I can’t love #8 enough…. The great RuPaul said “What other people think of me is non of my business.” Those are words to live by… Can’t go on worrying about what other people think.

  8. LaToya
    January 8, 2018 / 12:22 pm

    Single moms are some of the strongest women that I know. These are some great tips, especially asking for help when needed.

  9. January 8, 2018 / 2:02 pm

    This is great advice! No shame in asking for help. Everyone just wants you and your child to be happy and healthy! Sending you lots of strength, you’re doing awesome!

    • Hadassah
      January 10, 2018 / 9:15 am

      Thank you! I need those positive vibes

  10. January 8, 2018 / 3:27 pm

    Great tips. So many time we are afraid to ask for help, there is nothing wrong with need help whether it is from the government or mom friends.

    • Hadassah
      January 10, 2018 / 9:15 am

      We can’t let pride get in the way when we’re in these circumstances

  11. January 8, 2018 / 11:31 pm

    Thank you for sharing! Single moms are super duper moms

  12. January 9, 2018 / 8:03 am

    I have so much respect for single moms. These are some great tips.

    • Hadassah
      January 10, 2018 / 9:14 am

      Thank you!

  13. January 9, 2018 / 8:25 am

    You are truly amazing to be doing this on your own! You have so much great advice. I think this advice is great not just for single moms but so much can be for any mom.

    • Hadassah
      January 10, 2018 / 9:14 am

      Thank you so much sis. It’s hard but I’m trying !

  14. January 9, 2018 / 10:29 am

    Love this! I’ve been “on my own” since her birth, but he’s finally slowly creeping his way back in. I’m not gonna lie, the days I don’t have to pay for anything are a blessing. LOL But when you’ve gotta do it by yourself, you gotta do what you gotta do!

    ~ Sanaa
    http://www.amomthatsleeps.com

    • Hadassah
      January 10, 2018 / 9:12 am

      I hear that! But if he wants to take up his role, let him! It would be a load off your back

  15. January 9, 2018 / 11:14 am

    First off, I am sorry you are going through this, I couldn’t imagine the trials and stress this brings upon you. I admire your bravery for stepping up and doing what you gotta do as a mom and woman! Your son will be forever grateful!

    • Hadassah
      January 10, 2018 / 9:11 am

      It’s an unfortunate situation but I’m trying to do my best, handling this alone

  16. Haley
    January 9, 2018 / 2:07 pm

    I liked #8 best! Preach!

    • Hadassah
      January 10, 2018 / 9:11 am

      It’s so real!

  17. January 9, 2018 / 4:18 pm

    These are some great tips for anyone who is parenting alone. It is important to have encouraging info like this for all mamas!!!

  18. January 19, 2018 / 11:20 am

    I am not a single mother but I have a lot of friends who are and these are great tips. Thanks for sharing! You all rock!

  19. January 19, 2018 / 5:49 pm

    I wish every single mom could read this! There really shouldnt be any shame in doing these things. These tools are out there for a reason it doesn’t mean less of anyone for using them.

  20. January 20, 2018 / 1:33 pm

    I’m not a single mom but I know it takes a village to raise a child. I remember my mom having a tribe of people that poured into us and helped out where they could and she did the same for them! Great post. Sharing this on Facebook

  21. January 20, 2018 / 5:29 pm

    #8 ! #8! YES. Forget the naysayers and do what you need to do for you and your child(ren). This post was awesome and so encouraging for newly single mamas and those who have been at it for a while. I love it!

  22. Tacheyana
    January 29, 2018 / 1:13 pm

    Very helpful tips. Although I’m with my child’s father, were long distance (military & school) so I pull most of the load at the moment and it is a struggle. Finding time to make the house look neat is nearly impossible, but I’ve worked on just doing what I can and not stressing the rest. Have any more tips as far as budgeting? I could use help in that area.

  23. January 29, 2018 / 2:28 pm

    I’m not a mother or planninng to become one but your post is very inspirational. it must bring relief and reassurence to all those out there doing it alone and I think sometimes single mums don’t get enough credit!

  24. Joanna
    January 29, 2018 / 3:23 pm

    I can’t even imagine how hard it must be to be a single mom and how you need to start making decisions on your own that will affect the well-being of your child. Your advice is very encouraging for every woman who has to go through this, not to lose hope.

  25. January 29, 2018 / 6:07 pm

    Firstly I feel being a mother is so much work, and then being a Single mother must be being a super woman on steroids. More power to you!!! I love the positive and can do message of the post.

    ❥ tanvii.com

  26. January 29, 2018 / 9:52 pm

    You are amazing, mama! Your baby is lucky to have such a strong person looking out for them. I thought at one point I would have to go down this road and it scared me so badly! I think single mothers are superwomen!

  27. January 30, 2018 / 1:00 am

    You have GOT THIS Hadassah and you’re right. It’s not easy being a single Mom, sometimes it sucks big time, but the rewards and laughter and love makes up for it a million times over.

  28. January 30, 2018 / 2:37 am

    This is really great advice. I’m not a mom & my parents didn’t divorce until I was 22. I was living at home while going to college,interning, & working full time on the weekends when my mom lost her job. While she received unemployment, we still had to apply for food stamps briefly. There is no shame in that! Groceries are essential and there is no reason anyone should be denied that & they sure shouldn’t be embarrassed. You are strong and you got this!

  29. January 30, 2018 / 3:32 am

    Being a single mom is no doubt a tough job. You got some really nice tips for all single moms out there.

  30. Cleo
    January 30, 2018 / 8:52 am

    Admire any woman who is able to take on the role of both parents.

  31. January 30, 2018 / 12:04 pm

    I hope you find your footing soon. It looks like you have some good moves here. There is no shame in reaching out for help. I hope the kids’ father is still involved, too.

  32. January 30, 2018 / 12:21 pm

    I think it’s great that you’ve shared some first hand experience of being a single mother and the tips and tricks you’ve learned on your journey. I’m not a mother myself, but I know a few single mothers who would appreciate this info x

  33. Shell
    January 30, 2018 / 2:27 pm

    I’ve been a single Mama to two boys for over ten years and I absolutely agree with your points here… It’s quite a journey but it does become easier as time goes by and having a tribe you can depend on is key…

  34. January 30, 2018 / 3:34 pm

    I wish you the best of luck! With tips like these, your kids will have a strong mom! I especially agree with not letting negativity in. There is no point in letting that in! It may be a hard thing to do, but you got this!

  35. January 30, 2018 / 5:43 pm

    Thanks for being so honest and providing advice for all other women sharing the same experience!
    I am a single guy and have difficulties already with taking care of myself 🙂 i bow to all you women that have the courage and find the strength to care for two!

  36. January 30, 2018 / 7:19 pm

    I am a mom of 2 boys 23 and 9 and have been an single mom 98% of those years due to failed marriages. Chile let me tell you us single-moms are waling around here with invisible caps. We do what we need to do to keep a roof over our heads and feed these kids. We are powerful, sometimes we just need reminders of what we are capable of. Great Post!

  37. January 31, 2018 / 8:23 am

    While I can’t necessarily relate to this I most definitely can say YOU GO GIRL! I loved everything about this and it’s so true! Being married young and starting our family literally a month after the wedding, I always get looks and comments of “why did you want to start a family so soon, enjoy being married”… well it’s none of their business, just like how you live your life is none and their business!
    Keep pushin, can already tell you’re an amazing momma!

  38. April 11, 2018 / 5:24 am

    I’m not a single mom but I think you’ve raised some great points for anyone who has suddenly found themselves in a difficult position and feels like they have to go through it alone! Great post!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *