Why I’m not having another baby.

“When are you going to make the next one?”

“You have to make a girl for the dad”

“one child is not enough”

“you should make at least 2 kids”

Those are a few of the comments I get on a daily basis from family members, strangers, friends, anyone. And I am tired of it. Especially living now living in Haiti where making unwarranted comments are a thing. I’m just being real when I say I do not want another child. I thought long and hard about it and I cannot see myself redoing this process again in my near future. Hmmmm maybe I’ll pop another one out when I’m 30? 35? One thing for sure, I’m in no damn rush. At first I was thinking like “maybe I should just have another one to get it over with and try for a girl”. Then I was like, “I also don’t want to start my fitness journey and get all fit then end up pregnant again”. I really sat down and thought about and came to the decision that I in fact don’t want another baby… not now at least. Why, you ask? Well let me tell you.

 

  1. The biggest reason why I do not want another child is because of my depression. As I have mentioned in previous posts, it’s pretty bad and with postpartum depression topping my already messed up emotions….just a recipe for disaster. I’m already struggling to keep my feelings and mind together, how would I deal with another baby crying in my head? I would lose my shit; I can already see it now. I do not do well under a lot of stress and if I’m pushed too far I have my meltdowns.
  2. Another child would be an inconvenience in my life right now. Kind of messed up to say? Well for me, it’s the truth. Having one baby has my hands tied to the max. I can’t leave him unoccupied yet, meaning I basically have to take him everywhere and that gets annoying and tiring quickly. (That’s why a lot of moms just online shop rather than going up and down with a baby & a heavy car seat) I barely have help sometimes and they days can get really difficult. I have errands to run and chores to do that always has me busy and baby has to be in my sight at all times.
  3. I value my sleep. (Does this make me a petty mother?) I cannot deal with waking up at all times of the night for feeding and changing diapers. The beginning I heard is the hardest and I still haven’t fully recuperated from those times. Right now Eliaz is kind of sleeping through the night and if he does wake up its only once. When I do not get my minimum 8 hours, I’m one cranky MF and no one wants to be around that.
  4. I’m still young. I want to go out and enjoy the rest of my 20s before they’re over. I had a serious case of baby fever and that’s how I really ended up pregnant in the first place. (baby fever is contagious) It’s easier to find a babysitter who will watch one child under 1 but two babies? That would be a challenge.
  5. I want to get my sexy back. I want to work out and get my dream body. Also the acne that I had while pregnant was horrid!!! I like having some control over my body. The changes to my body are just crazy and I’m still trying to get back to normal.
  6. Will I have time for my husband? With a 2nd baby, I feel there would be even less time to spend quality time with my husband. Eliaz takes most of our time and we rarely have time for ourselves to just focus on us
  7. There’s no room on the bed for another baby, because we already cosleep with Eliaz in between. (Again, does this make me petty?)
  8. Oh yeaaa I got the nexplanon implant. I’m on birthcontrol and its good for the next 3 years of my life. (I will write a review on my experience with it) Maybe after those 3 years I will have a change of heart or something and I’ll reconsider.
  9. Last but not least, my life isn’t fully together yet. I’m still trying to find myself and my purpose. My mind is everywhere and with the pressure of raising another baby now….it will only delay me further I believe.

So there you have it yall. What do you guys think about my reasoning? If you have more than one child, how long did you wait and why? Until next time!

Peace, Love & Melanin

-TheBrownMom

13 Comments

  1. June 7, 2017 / 3:14 pm

    I do not have any kids. And I not planning on having any for a long time. For theses exact reason, Me and my hubby gets asked all the time when are we going to have kids.

  2. June 7, 2017 / 3:48 pm

    Those are all valid reasons, and it’s good that you have accessed your feelings on having another rather than just listening to what others say.

  3. June 7, 2017 / 4:24 pm

    This was so great! A lot of my friends who have children often say they wished they waited in between their children. Stay strong and stand by your awesome reasons. There’s no rush!

  4. June 7, 2017 / 7:15 pm

    Love your honesty!! ❤ Do what is right for you and your family, that has to come first xx

  5. June 7, 2017 / 9:37 pm

    Everyone certainly will have their opinions about your life, but girl — do what works for you. Be the best mommie you can be to the one you have is what I say. I have two children and there is a seven year gap between them. It wasn’t purposeful per say but it definitely makes things a bit easier. Enjoy your journey whatever that may be!

    xx,
    Leslie / @hautemommie / http://www.thehautemommie.com

    • Hadassah
      June 8, 2017 / 5:26 pm

      thank you for that! i need the gap

  6. June 7, 2017 / 10:18 pm

    I completely understand where you are coming from. I got pregnant with baby # 2 when my first was 2. I wasn’t working out then but the damage I had from my first 2 pregnancies was boosted with this last one. It’s hard finding child care. and I barely have sleep. I am writing you right now on a Monster Energy Drink. Ha! I work every day and trying to build my own business and brand. Top it all off I keep making boys… Mommy’s boy who refuse to sleep alone. 🙁 I wish I had a stronger support. (Single Mom of course). So when people say are you going to try for a girl. I give them an extremely solid HELL NO. I am 24 I would like to travel before I’m old. So no I don’t think you are petty at all. Great post. I can definitely relate to this.

    • Hadassah
      June 8, 2017 / 5:25 pm

      its hard with no support !! parenting is not easy

  7. robbie doyle
    June 8, 2017 / 12:43 am

    Great blog post! I think it is awesome that you choose to “do you” and enjoy your child you already have. Sometimes you have to ignore other peoples opinion and do what is best for you and your family.

    • Hadassah
      June 8, 2017 / 5:22 pm

      listening to other peoples opinions will drive you crazy!

  8. June 8, 2017 / 4:51 am

    By far one of the best and most honest articles I’ve read about this . I’m In the same situation we don’t want anymore but everyone thinks it’s okay to keep pushing for another baby as if they will take care of it. You go mama stand up for yourself !

    • Hadassah
      June 8, 2017 / 5:22 pm

      exactly! if youre going to watch the baby and provide then suree i’ll have another lol

  9. July 26, 2017 / 3:40 am

    While I love all your reasons, because everyone’s life is controlled by them and them alone, the real answer is “None of your damn business.” Period. Point Blank.

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